A Wheelie Good Chat
Welcome to A Wheelie Good Chat, hosted by me, Sam Cole—where real stories meet real conversations about life with a physical disability, and everything in between.
No topic is off-limits. Through candid reflections and honest discussions, I aim to break barriers, challenge assumptions, and inspire a more inclusive world—one conversation at a time.
Whether you’re here to learn, reflect, or simply hear a fresh perspective, you’re in the right place.
Follow the journey on Instagram: @awheeliegoodchat | @sam.bamalama
A Wheelie Good Chat
31. SOLO: Digital Validation Trap
Ever deleted a post because it didn’t get enough likes? Or found yourself doomscrolling at 1am? Yeah—same.
In this solo episode, I dive into how social media messes with our heads: from the trap of online validation to the anxiety spiral of endless scrolling. I share what’s helped me set better boundaries and reflect on the pressures of being a content creator in an always-on world.
This isn’t just a disability chat—it’s a human one. Your worth isn’t defined by likes, and your peace is worth protecting.
Thanks for listening, we really appreciate the ongoing support! Follow the podcast on Instagram @awheeliegoodchat and Sam @sam.bamalama
Please review the podcast on Apple Podcasts
https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/a-wheelie-good-chat/id1654431839
Before I begin, I would like to acknowledge the traditional customs of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. I pay my respect to the Elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all First Nations peoples. Today I'm your host, sam Cole, and this is a really good chat where we divulge areas of my life yes, even not so PG ones, if you're a first-time listener. Thank you so much for joining a bit of a backstory on myself. I have a neuromuscular condition called dystonia and I started this podcast with my friend, joel to break stigma and normalise conversations around disability within society. So we really hope that you stick around for future episodes. Hey, everyone. So in this episode it's going to be another solo episode, which I'm hoping everyone's okay with that, because I've got some quite nice feedback from my last solo episode, just saying that it was really nice to have you know me on my own. As much as I love Joel, it was really nice to have that, I guess, go back to my roots, I guess where it started from, so it was really nice to hear.
Speaker 1:In today's episode, just to get straight into it, I'm going to get real about something that most of us wrestle with and that's social media. I'm sure most of you listening have some form of social media. If that's Facebook, instagram, tiktok, I think they're the most common ones and just from you know the highs of getting a like to the lows of comparing your life to strangers. I think most of us know that social media really messes with our own heads. This episode is going to be around that. Let's talk about validation, doom scrolling and setting some boundaries in place for, you know, future selves, which I think is really important. I think social media is really great. You know, we've got this aspect where you can engage with people, people like friends, family and just people that you admire. You know, you might follow someone for their fashion, you might follow someone for their humor. There's all a range of different things that social media is good for and for me, it's been really good at connecting people, connecting myself with people, people who I unfortunately don't see very often, that being the distance, that being time. There's all a range of different things, but you know, I think we all have that kind of feeling with our friends or family who we love to see more often, but you know, it just adult life gets in the way of that kind of side of things.
Speaker 1:First of all, it's around the validation side of things. So for me, I guess, even still now I'm not saying I definitely don't have a huge presence on social media at all I definitely got a few friends who certainly have more of a presence on social media. I guess even before I had my god it sounds so wanky when I had a huge following, like, no, sam, you don't have a huge following, I just got a normal following. But even though back when I started out I guess started posting just for friends into my private social media, I even got caught up in the whole. Do I have enough likes? Why isn't anyone liking my post? You know I thought I look really great and that sort of thing. So I think it's hard not to get caught up in that. You know realm of social media and if you don't, wow, give us some tips please.
Speaker 1:I think it's normal to seek validation someone to post a photo, maybe all look really good, and you know you're feeling yourself and you want to share it to the world like I feel like that is just so normal. Even still now there are times when I post something I'm like hold a minute, why isn't this getting more likes. I'm gonna delete, I'm gonna hide it, I'm gonna put it in my archives. And that's just so silly, because if I like the picture of my self or my friends or my dog or whatever, I should be able to post it. I shouldn't be justified whether I can keep it on my profile or not just via how many likes it receives within the first hour or so. And I think, like most of us are aware, when it comes to the likes, the comments, you know our brains get hooked on that. It's a strong dopamine here that we get and you know, the more that we get it, the more that we want to post, post things that people are engaging with more.
Speaker 1:When I post on social media, there's a side of me that's oh, the more that people like this post, does that mean more people like me and more people I have more support? I don't know if that makes sense, but I guess it's kind of the side of it. The pressure to be like the validation track, relying on validation from the social media, a post or the video. It can really affect your own self-esteem, self-worth, especially when someone's already in a vulnerable place mentally, physically, whatever that may be and then getting not the likes that you know you were hoping for or expecting can really affect your already low self-esteem as much as getting the likes and the engagement on a post or a video that you post. There's also that side of it where it's like can really affect your own self-esteem and that can really be quite triggering for some people.
Speaker 1:I guess there's an aspect to the validation in our own minds as validation to be like if I only get five likes on this post. Is that how people perceive me? I actually saw this really uplifting trend on TikTok where someone posted a video and on the screen it said if 20 people made a compliment towards you in real life, that's amazing and we will be like on top of the world if that happened. But 20 people liking a post may not seem enough validation and I'm 100% guilty of that 100%. Sometimes I'm like I fucking love this picture or this carousel that I created. It's got all these different things that I like you know whatever it is but it only got 40 odd likes. I mean, even still now I'm like, fuck, what do people want to see? It's so bad, but it's a lesson to not put so much pressure on yourself and not to rely on those likes. So if you think of it like that trend, that's incredibly powerful to put that kind of different kind of spin on it.
Speaker 1:I actually read somewhere that studies have actually shown that social media feedback activates the same reward center in the brain as food and money. I could not believe that when I read that. So let me say that again, studies have shown that social media feedback activates the same reward center in the brain as food and money. So that's just crazy, because food and money, I guess, are essential things in our life, but social media isn't. But we still get that same dopamine hit. Yeah, it's just. It's a very interesting one. It'd be great to hear from you guys. Have you ever tied your self-worth to your engagement sets? I mean, you don't have to let me know, but it's just something to think about and really be honest with yourself.
Speaker 1:I'm sure most of you listening have heard of doom scrolling and I'm sure most of you have experienced doom scrolling for yourself. So doom scrolling is mindless scrolling through negative or overwhelming content. So I feel like doom scrolling mostly happens at night, when people should be sleeping. So people are just flipping, flipping through their TikTok, just flipping through watching videos. Like what is the point of this scrolling? Like, are we looking for some sort of epiphany that we should be to sleep, or something that just goes? Yes, this is what I've been looking for for the past two and a half hours. I think we've all been guilty of just sitting there doing scrolling, and two and a half hours have gone by when you could have been using that time a lot more productively.
Speaker 1:However, you got caught in the cycle and Now you're wide, so doom-throwing can really affect your sleep. Like I said, most of us doom-throw at night when we should be sleeping. Your brain is wired up and you can't get to sleep. So you're like, oh, if I flip out my phone and just scroll aimlessly, I would eventually want to go to sleep. However, it becomes a habit and sometimes that habit is really hard to break.
Speaker 1:It can also affect people's mental health in the way of anxiety, low moods, because I guess you're just scrolling, scrolling, and it could be really negative things. You're watching videos that you're watching, but also if you're're, you know, should be doing something else with your time, I can kind of understand why the anxiety can kind of come through when you're doing scrolling. You've been scrolling, scrolling, scrolling and then two and a half hours later it's it's 1am and you have to get up to work at 7am. I'm sure most of us are aware of how having that bright light on before you go to bed and how that can really disrupt your sleep. Important to have that downtime, at least a good half an hour before bed just to really wind down, to switch off your mind from getting bombarded with the content that you're watching. So yeah, doom scrolling also can affect someone's productivity and focus. So that's where the procrastination will be really strong.
Speaker 1:It's one of the things to be like. You know you should put down your phone, you know you should close your eyes and have a well-rested night, but there you are just scrolling, scrolling aimlessly, and then, when you do put you down your phone, you realize that you've only got five hours until you need to get up to work and then the anxiety really kicks in. So it's it's a really difficult one to break. It's a habit, a habit that can really really affect people. So when we are in the doom scrolling mindset, it's a very interesting one, because I'm sure most of us who have been doom scrolling away, you know, just scrolling, scrolling, scrolling we're not feeling the best mentally, we're not feeling great self-worth before starting in the doom scrolling, and then when we finished or put away our phone, we feel worse than we did when we started, and so I think that just really highlights how not good for you it is and how it can really affect your sleep, your mental health, your focus.
Speaker 1:But something that has really helped me break the doom-swelling cycle I put a do not disturb on my phone from 9 30 pm to 7 am, but I don't get any notifications except from, like, my favorite contacts and you can choose apps that you want to like have notifications from, which is great. That really helps me not always be on my phone at night and I definitely do want to say just because I have the focus on, doesn't mean that I can't still be scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, just minimizing my doom scrolling. And also, as soon as my do not disturb is on, I'm less likely to be on it as much at night because I won't be getting notifications coming up on my screen. Be on it as much at night, but because I won't be getting notifications coming up on my screen, I'm less likely to be picking up my phone as often when my do not disturb is on. That's a helpful little tip if you want to kind of minimize your doom scrolling as well, as you can actually put limits on apps. So my experience is coming from apple, not android, so if you're android, not too sure, but surely that would have the same. So so in regards to the Apple limits it's sorry, apple limits, app limits.
Speaker 1:You can set social media an hour for Instagram a day, an hour for TikTok a day and, yeah, you can even lock it and have a passcode. If you're the one who has the passcode, you can obviously override it. I actually know someone who got their partner to lock their social media, so I think they could only do like an two hours in total for social media, and then they had their code. They couldn't get into it or, sorry, override it unless they were with them. So that's always an option. Another option is always just moving your phone away from you at night. If night time is the time when you are doom strolling, you can always put it out in the kitchen when you go to bed, so you're not as tempted to reach for it during the night when you're wide awake. Yeah, I would love to hear what tips or tricks you have to minimize your doom strolling as so.
Speaker 1:Another important aspect around this discussion is boundaries in relation to self-care. First one that comes to mind is muting or unfollowing content that you feel that you really are comparing yourself to or get anxious when you see their content. Going through your following and seeing who you truly want to follow and not feeling obligated to follow them just because you know you met them one time at a party and you know they have really good connections, kind of thing. I think that's really important to minimise how you feel when you are on your social media. Another one is having screen free time. So say, for example, after 8pm on the weekdays you have no. Social media is always quite a very strong one. If you can do that, I'm very impressed. I feel that night time is the time when I'm more likely to go onto my social media and just scroll, rather than during the day. I definitely do pick my phone up and scroll during the day as well. I do it for longer hours at night, not rather than just like little segments here and there during the day, kind of thing. So the next point is being intentional about what you consume and why. I guess that kind of comes back to meeting or unfollowing people who you're comparing yourself to. I guess the thing for social media is you want to feel good. I like to think I am very aware of what I consume on my social media and of course sometimes you know you get caught up in, you know just scrolling, scrolling, scrolling and then you kind of lose what the point of social media is, if that makes sense. But I think that's a really important one for you to have a little think about.
Speaker 1:I guess I am a content creator. That still doesn't seem right to say that, but you know I've kind of got to own it, being that I have created content for brands and being fortunate enough for brands to reach out to me. I do at times feel the pressure to be on all the time. And when I say on all the time, I do sometimes feel a little bit, a little bit guilty in the realm of how, you know, I'm not posting weekly. I'm not posting. I guess consistently is the way I'm looking for, and sometimes I don't feel inspired to be posting. And when I do post I'm really happy with it. This is mostly on tip, to be honest. I kind of feel a little bit lacking inspiration. Like. I do have a larger I larger, not that many, but larger like comparing to my Instagram, I do have a lot more followers.
Speaker 1:It's kind of like a bit funny of like what does well compared to what doesn't do well, and it's a frustrating thing about, you know, social media. You never know what's going to take off. You never know when it's going to take off. You never know when it's going to take off. You know a video could do really well, you know, within a second after posting and then one video might just really take off two weeks after posting. So that's the thing that I've really learned from one of my friends who is a content creator or, I guess, an influencer, probably more so of an influencer. Yeah, she really taught me that you know you shouldn't just rely on that video, you know, within the first day or two days of posting, because it could jump back onto the algorithm weeks later.
Speaker 1:I can't imagine how difficult it would be to create regular content when it's part of your job. We are all on social media and regularly check our phones. We're regularly on it. I guess that would be the really difficult part of it is the fact that we're always on our phone, we're always picking up our social media and checking it and there's no start time or finish time. You know, if you've got something that's due within a week and it involves quite a lot of recording or preparation or that kind of thing, I can only imagine that there's no really distinct switch off time. I mean, I can't speak from my experience, but from the little experience I have, that would be quite a difficult one to, I guess, to have that set boundary. I really do take my hat off to the people who are creating content regularly. People quite often say, oh, it's so easy creating content, like they do nothing. They do a lot. They actually have a very creative mind. You know you have to be the one to have the layout, have the personality to be able to do it definitely not a walk in the park. I don't think majority of people would give content creators influences enough credit for how hard they work to be able to be successful or get get the job that they deserve or push for.
Speaker 1:After this episode, I would love for you to take five minutes today to check in how do you feel after using your social media? What do you want to change when you use your social media, so I think that'd be really beneficial for you to stop, have a think about how is it actually making you feel? Are you feeling uplifted when you're on it or are you very low after you use it? Because so many of us just pick up our phone and the first app we open is one of our social media. We don't actually stop and go hold a minute. Do I actually need to check it today? Do I actually need to be on it? Maybe you need to stop and think. Hold a minute. Yesterday I was on it. My anxiety was so high that I think I need to take a step away from it today. If your social medias have been messing with your head lately, you're not alone. We all get caught up in scrolling, but you deserve to feel good about yourself online and off. Set those boundaries, protect your peace and remember likes don't define your worth.
Speaker 1:I do just want to say that these solo episodes you know I know they're not really disability focused, but I think it's also important for me to highlight or explore what is important to me, and that is not always going to be disability focused, because I am more than just my disability and I know that this podcast is about disability and breaking the stigma, which I absolutely don't get me wrong. It's good just to have a I guess, normal in air quotes conversation about different aspects of life that we all experience. Thanks for listening to this episode. I really do hope that you enjoyed this. If you want to stay up to date, please follow a really good chat on Instagram where I post the latest, and make sure you're following the podcast on your streaming platform. That's all for this episode. Stay safe, everyone.
