A Wheelie Good Chat

40. Consent Isn’t Awkward

• Sam Cole

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This final episode of the year is a reflective conversation about consent and why it matters in everyday life.

I talk about how physical touch, especially hugging, is often automatic and well intentioned, but not always comfortable for everyone. From my own perspective, I share why consent is about more than just intention. It’s about pausing, checking in and allowing people the space to choose.

This episode looks at consent through a broader lens, beyond disability alone. Everyone has different boundaries, comfort levels and experiences, and those can change over time. Respecting that doesn’t make things awkward, it makes people feel seen.

I also take a moment to reflect on the year that’s been for the podcast. From returning to solo episodes to reaching Episode 40, it’s been a year of learning, growth and finding my voice.

Thank you for listening and being part of this space. Wishing you a safe and happy Christmas and a wonderful New Year. I’ll be back in 2026 with more honest conversations.

Thanks so much for listening to A Wheelie Good Chat! Your support means the world.

Follow along on Instagram: @awheeliegoodchat | @sam.bamalama

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Sam:

I wanna start this episode of A Wheelie Good Chat by acknowledging that I'm recording on Whadjuk Noongar country. I pay my respects to the elders past, present, and emerging. Always was. Always will be Aboriginal land. I'm your host, Sam Cole, and this is A Wheelie Good Chat where I get real about life with a disability and everything in between. Yes, even the not so PG stuff. I live with a condition called dystonia and I started these podcasts to break stigma. And share the things we as a society don't talk enough about. Hey everyone. So I hope we're all going well today. So as this is the final episode for 2025, which is crazy to me. I've been thinking a lot about what I could talk about in this episode today, and I keep coming back to something that comes up way more often than we realise, and that's consent so when I talk about consent in this episode, I am going to be talking about it in an everyday life kind of way, especially when it comes to physical touch. And this is something that I feel needs to be highlighted more in everyday communication conversations and just building awareness around something like this is quite important, I feel, from my perspective and what I've had to, I guess, deal with in a way, if that make sense. I'm sure most of us who are listening who knows what consent is, it really shows up all the time in how we greet people, how close we stand to someone, what we assume is okay. Hugging is a really good example, for a lot of people, it's quick, it's automatic, and it's meant to be kind. But quick doesn't always mean comfortable for everyone, and good intention doesn't always mean consent, and that is something really important that I would like to highlight in this throughout this episode. So for someone with physical limitations. Hugging isn't always something you can react to quickly. You are meeting someone for the first time or haven't seen someone in a long time. I feel hugging is just a norm part of our culture. You know, you go out and you hug someone and, there's not really like that stop and pause and go, oh, is it okay if I hug this person or are they comfortable with it? So there isn't always time to step back, adjust or even process what's happened before it's already happening. The hug, that greeting is, yeah, it can be thrown at us quite quickly. And in those circumstances you're like, whoa, that happened really quickly. I would've preferred if they asked if, I'm comfortable with being hugged. And so when someone leans in without asking, it can feel uncomfortable. Not because the person is trying to be rude, but because there wasn't space to choose. And that's something so important. Consent is about choosing what they want, how they feel about being hugged or whatever their circumstance is. It's really important that the person has a choice within that situation, and that's such an important part of consent that gets overlooked. It's not just about saying yes or no, it's about actually having the chance to do either. So putting myself in that perspective, I've had many times when people just hug me automatically and, I'm sure if they ask, I might have. Absolutely, that's okay. But sometimes for myself personally, it's a little bit intimidating having people just come up to me and give me a big hugg because there's not that instant step back or distance or a, you know, it is not quick for me to go, oh, actually but then again, I guess if, you know me, you can kind of read my body language is a little bit, not really engaging in the hug. It is really important to highlight the consent needs around hugging. You don't have to always ask someone who you know really well, but for example, if you haven't seen this person for a while and you know, you circumstance might have change or you know, they've experienced something that might have changed their perspective on physical touch is important to be aware of that and give that person the choice to say yes or no or not right now, maybe when I'm feeling a bit more at ease in the situation. It might be a new circumstance for the person. There's so many different circumstances that can be difficult for someone to accept a hug. It's not about the hug, it's about asking for consent before, I think that's really important to highlight here. I also think that there's this pressure, especially for people with disabilities to be easygoing, to not make things awkward, to not say anything, to not be seen as being difficult. You know, just wanna kind of, yep, I'll put up with a hug. Let, let's just give it over and done with kind of thing. Sometimes it feels easy just to let the hug happen then to explain yourself afterwards, but just because something happens doesn't mean it felt okay. So that right there is a very powerful thing to recognise that just because something happens doesn't mean it's okay. And just because there was no malicious intent behind the hug, it still doesn't mean that it was an okay thing to do. In these moments, these kind of, yeah, I'll put up with a hug. Might seem small, but over time they really add up and they really kind of, I guess, build a wall up against that physical affection. And physical affection, physical touch is a very personal thing and not everybody is a hugger. Not everybody wants to be touched by their aunty's, cousins, sister's nephew. You know, hugging is a very personal thing and it's important that we recognise the limitations that some people have around hugging. I wanna be really clear, this isn't just about disability. Consent matters for everyone no matter what. Stage of life you are, no matter how old you are, no matter your background. It is so important to have consent, like I was saying before, some people don't like physical touch. Some people have trauma, some people just having an off day. Some people just don't wanna hug. And that's a reason enough in itself not to give people a hug. So asking doesn't ruin the moment. It actually shows that you care for the individual before giving them a hug. And being aware that not everybody is going to be as open to a hug and engaging in that question is a kind and Very self-aware thing to ask someone. Even simply asking, are you a hugger or, can I give you a hug today? Can make a huge difference to someone and, how safe they feel and how seen they feel. rather than just presuming that, that they're okay or not okay with a hug. That's something really important to remember as well. So consent doesn't have to be awkward or formal. It can be quick, gentle, and casual. And especially when someone has a physical disability, it might also mean giving them a bit more time, for example, letting them lead. And recognising that there may be wheelchairs or a walking frame that are part of their personal space. Yeah, so recognising that the wheelchair or the, the walking frame or whatever it is, is part of that individual's personal space is, quite a respectful thing. These small pauses doesn't make things weird at all. They make people feel respected and seen. I feel like that is such an incredible, powerful thing being seen and being respected and, you know, not just presuming that the person wants a hug or doesn't, it gives that person the, the voice. I guess for me, this topic came up because you know, we're getting into, Christmas parties, there's, family gatherings, there's new year celebrations and that kind of thing. So it is towards the end of the year, seeing more people might be out more and that kind of thing. So I feel like this kind of discussion is a good way to end my final episode for the year because, we're out more, we're maybe interacting with more people. So bringing this topic to light will be, I hope beneficial, for you because I'm sure it's something that, you know, most of us just automatically hug someone, you know, if we're meeting them for the first time or, you know, might be your sisters auntie, who we've heard a lot about, but it's just asking is just so powerful and so respectful of the individual. I guess if I'm being honest, like I always think I'm not a very affectionate person but I think that is because for so many years, people just come up to me, hug me, and don't give me that opportunity to ask me whether I would like a hug, or whether I'm comfortable with receiving a hug from them. And so for so many years I just had people, you know, kiss me on the head, kiss me on the cheek, hug me, or do a bit of a side hug, I'm not saying that those people are bad people at all, but I feel like from such a young age, I never got to step back and, you know, kind of, I guess dodge the hug in away or dodge the, kiss on the cheek or whatever it is. But something that kind of holds me back is my, no, not holds me back. But something that I'm aware of is that affectionate side because I guess that I've never chosen to give someone a hug. I guess from experience people always just came up, gave me a hug, gave me a kiss on the head, gave me a kiss on the cheek. So I never really had to think for myself in the realms of like, oh, I would like to give this person a hug. Can I ask them? Like, it was always kind of thrusted upon me in a way. I dunno if that's making any sense, let me try explain it a different way. So, from a young age, being that I have got physical limitations and not able to reach my arms around people as easily, so I never had the opportunity to ask someone can I give you a hug. Because people automatically just hug me. That option for me has always been outta my control. And not an option for me to, to check in and to ask someone that. but yeah, I hope that makes sense in a roundabout kind of way. And honestly, as I was thinking about this episode, it really felt like a fitting way to end the year, because this year and this podcast have been all about learning as I go, finding my voice and doing the things a little bit differently to how I first thought. So when I started this podcast, you know, I didn't have expectations. I didn't have, I guess I didn't have anything planned out. You know, I was just kind of seeing how far it will go I've been doing it for three years now and this year has been a massive learning curve for me. I guess I started off the year thinking, I would still have my co-host by the end of the year, but, you know, circumstances have changed and, and here I am still doing it and I'm still loving it I'm definitely proud of myself for sticking by my podcast and, and not letting it slide by, you know, it would've been so easy to just let it kind of, drift off into the, the podcast abyss. know, I'm really proud of myself. You I feel like I've really grown in my podcast journey. Ugh. I hate the word journey, but there's really no other word to use, so please excuse me for saying journey. Like I've always said, my, my goal here is just to, to change people's perspectives for people with a disability and, you know, break stigma and normalise the conversations around disability that society has given, but I feel like, going back to being a solo podcast was I guess, kind of back to my roots in a way, because I'm telling my story, with Joel, the co-host , I really appreciate what he did for my podcast. but there's a side of it just where I can have more freedom in the conversation. I can control the narrative in a way and, that's what I love about my podcast. Being able to, to speak about my experience in a way that, everyone kind of can learn from it. Hopefully, you as a listener has learned something about disability or the way you interact with people with a dis disability or differences. I've always said if one person, has learned something from my podcast, I'm happy about that. I don't think I'm going to be groundbreaking podcaster, but you know, it's good to dream big kids. There have definitely been some very vulnerable episodes that I've done, episode that I never thought that I would ever speak about, or be so open about. That's something that is quite an empowering thing to reflect back on and say, shit, I never thought that I would do that, but my God, how did I actually make sense of what I was trying to say and actually get it out and actually, you know, be proud of that episode, the ones I did with mum, I never thought along my podcast journey that I would, have mum on and we'll be doing three episodes together back to back and, be learning so much about mum and about how much she did for me and does for me and the difficulty for her when I was first sick. Those three episodes were something, I guess for me really, special. There's also something really empowering about backing yourself and believing that, that you can achieve a goal that, you set out for. This podcast has become a place where I get to be honest, curious, and a little bit messy. And that's exactly how I want it. I don't want it to be, you know, perfectly curated because that's not me at all, when I do listen to other podcasts, I'm like, God, that is a good way of, speaking or that edit just sounds so nice. But, I need to remember that, I don't have any qualifications in editing. My experience is on the go, and I'm all self-taught and that's pretty cool to say that. Well, I actually haven't listened back to my first episodes. But like, thinking back to those really early ones, and like how the sound and the quality and the editing has improved, which is massive, you know, from someone who I feel like I'm not really technically advanced, should I say? very basic kind of understanding of technical stuff. And this will be episode 40, and that's, pretty cool to acknowledge, And I do wanna say I'm so grateful to every guest who's come on this year. I think there's been three, three guests. Yeah. And, you know, they all each brought something different. And that's why they were on my podcast, they each brought something to the table, so to speak. To everyone who's listened, shared an episode or sent me a message. Thank you so much. Like I said before, when I started this podcast, I really didn't have an idea of how far, you know, it could go. You had a few ideas, in front of me, I guess topics that I wanted to cover eventually but here I am, 40 episodes down. That's pretty cool to say. So as I wrap up this episode and this year, I wanna say thank you for listening, for learning alongside me and for being part of this. Here we go again. Journey. I hope you all have a really safe and happy Christmas. And a great new year. Please take care of yourself and look out for each other and rest if you need it. I'll be back next year with more episodes, more chats, and more honest conversations. But for now, this is me signing off for the year. Really proud of how far this podcast has come, and excited for what's ahead.  And that's it for today's ride. Thanks for rolling with me. Make sure you're following A Wheelie Good Chat on Instagram for all the latest updates. And if you're loving the chat, don't forget to follow the podcast on your favourite streaming platform. Stay safe, everyone. I'll catch you next time.

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Sam Cole

Host